A Goodbye Tear

Last Thursday, I went to see my neurologist. I’ve been seeing this particular doctor since I was fifteen years old. Over the years, he & I have developed a relationship of mutual respect & admiration.

I knew that this appointment with him would be my last. For so long I had been seeing him once or twice a year with periodic update emails in between. I knew this didn’t mean goodbye, but it was still hard for me.

I feel so lucky that I have been blessed with such caring doctors, nurses & other medical support staff. I have always been treated as though I were a member of their own family. I have always known that they are an email or a phone call away, if I needed them.

To say he went above & beyond his job requirements is an understatement. I’ve had many crazy ideas about my future. He always listened & knew just what to say. The future has come and now it is time to make my ideas a reality.

I am honoured to count this doctor as a friend of mine. Although he is no longer captain of my medical care, he always has my back. It puts me at ease, knowing that he is there for me.

Hey Junior...

This past week I went shopping at a mall. I am finding that the stores that used to be my staple stores are not doing it for me anymore. The music is so loud. It never really bothered me before this year, but all of a sudden, I need to move forward and find new stores. Perhaps it has to do with age. If I do go into a previous staple store, I have to look at hoodies or sweaters that are extra large. I should not be wearing extra large clothing, but it is what fits me. I am thinking some of my favourite stores are for juniors. I am beyond being a junior. I gave the junior stores a good run, but it is time to move on.

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS...

It’s nearly time to put the tree up and decorate the house for Christmas. It will be our second Christmas in our condo. There are things about our house that I miss and probably always will. I miss looking out our front window and seeing our neighbours Christmas lights. Don’t get me wrong, I love our condo and I am happy we moved here, I am just being sentimental.

It is a time for new traditions. This year my niece will be more aware of the Christmas happenings. She’ll be up and running on her feet. It will be fun to see Christmas through her eyes.

I love that I still get a Christmas stocking. If you don’t know already, I don’t like change. I am a sucker for tradition. Christmas is my favourite time of year, but I like things to stay the same each year. I know that is not realistic to think that nothing will change. Accepting change is a work in progress.

Family & friends exchange cards with season’s greetings. There are presents in boxes and gift bags under the tree. Christmas is a time for giving.  As I grow older, I take my time to think about what would truly make a person happy, before I buy a gift for them. I am thrilled when I see a person’s face light up after opening a gift from me.

                                                                                           

It’s time to dust off the Christmas movies and start watching. My absolute must watch is ‘Christmas Vacation’. When my extended family gets together, there is often a reference made to some part of this movie. I could watch Christmas Vacation two or three times and still laugh. Another good Christmas movie is ‘A Christmas Story’. That whole family makes me laugh. Christmas movies are one of my favourite things.

The malls are starting to fill up with shoppers. Everyone is trying to finish their shopping early. I plan to get my shopping done early, but know there will be some last minute trips to the mall for a forgotten item. I may try and do some online shopping and avoid the crowds and lines altogether.

AND THEN THERE WAS CAKE...

There are some things that are a must do for birthdays. For each birthday, the birthday person gets to choose the kind of cake or dessert they want to have. Long before I was born, my Mom bought a banana cake mix and followed a recipe for peanut butter icing. It was a hit with everyone.

Now many years later, banana cake mix is hard to find, so my Dad found a recipe for banana cake (not bread). The recipe tasted great. The odd time we’ve found banana cake mix in the States and stocked up.

I love to lick the beaters after the icing is done. When my brothers and I were smaller it was always a contest to see who got to lick the beaters if it wasn’t one of our birthdays.

Long live our beloved cake.

GETTING OLDER

All my life, I have wanted to be older. I always wanted to be like my older brothers. When I was a toddler, I wanted to go to preschool. As a preschooler, I wanted to be an elementary school student. In eighth grade, I wanted to be a teenager. Once I was a teenager, I couldn’t wait to be nineteen. Nineteen is the gateway to adulthood. After that, the years seem to go by so quickly.

Today I start my twenty-ninth year and I am in a good place. I am surrounded by friends and family. I have noticed that as I get older my older brothers and I seem to grow closer in age. I will always be the little sister, just an older little sister.

Comfort is

A few weeks ago, I experienced true relaxation. I had a massage. Somewhere between lying down on the massage table and sitting up, I lost the ability to speak. I hovered in the space between sleep and wakefulness. It was pure heaven. I had never had a massage before. The idea of someone else rubbing my back, kind of freaked me out. I did not want to get hurt by having a massage. I could not have been more wrong. Long after the massage was over, I continued to feel fabulous.

Comfort is a bite of warm apple pie hitting the back of your throat. The taste of cinnamon lingers on your taste buds for a moment. To me the smell of hot apple pie reminds me of my Grandma. Grandma’s apple pie was a warm and cozy Fall treat.

Happiness is...

Happiness is an ever changing thought throughout life. I am slowly realising that happiness comes in many forms. Part of the excitement of life, is discovering true happiness. When a child is little, happiness can be as simple as a hug from Mommy or Daddy. The moment when a child finally unlocks the key to reading is a proud moment for the parents and child.

As I watch my thirteen month old niece navigate the world on two feet, I see that happiness is in the moment. When she walks across the room, she stops to clap and squeal with extreme joy. What a great feeling of accomplishment she must have in that moment. Everyone in the room also exudes happiness. Who knew that three or four steps could bring smiles to the faces of so many people?

When I graduated from university, my family & I were so excited we had tears in our eyes. It took me a long time to finish my degree, so when I got to the end, it was that much more special. Happiness means something different to each person.

Life

To say that my life has not gone the way I envisioned it would, would be an understatement. I have a neurological disorder and a back problem. These two things combined, mean that I now have to use a wheelchair. A wheelchair was definitely not in my plans for the future, but life had other plans for me.

I am learning that different does not necessarily mean something bad. If everything in life was easy and I never had to veer off my original path, life would not be as interesting. I am learning to work within my abilities and not worry about what I cannot do. It would be easy to stop trying, but it just is not in me to give up.

Since I was fifteen, I have wanted to be a child life specialist. Being a child life specialist requires that the applicant have some physical capabilities. Being in a wheelchair limits what I am physically able to do, so I have had to alter my plans for the future.

I still want to work with children in some capacity, whether it is by volunteering, or as part of a job. Whatever happens, I want to continue to write in some form.